Happy Birthday Little Sister

I guess being born the last girl, you sort of always have the "little sister" title. I am one of 4 children. There is JoAnn, my big sister, Alex, my brother that died before I was born, and then there is Angela, the littlest sister.

Today is her birthday. I guess I just feel reflective and want to write about her. Angie wasn't always the easiest to get along with, then again neither was I. I think it was because she was head strong and I was more passive. I never thought she was the most compassionate person in the world but, I am sure all siblings go through that at some time in their lives.
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She was the kind that would laugh when we were crying at some silly chick flick. When Angela was going through school to be a nurse, the compassion I thought she didn't have became prevalent. She told me about her first clinical and what she had to do and I was blown away by the strength she had. She knew going in that her very first patient was just hours away from passing away. The little lady probably wasn't aware that Angela was with her however, Angie talked to her as she took her blood pressure, and all the other vital signs. No family was present, nor was any on their way. She didn't want her patient to die alone so she sat down next to her bed, gently picked up her hand and held it and talked softly and calmly until she took her last breath.
I love that story. My little sister showed love, care, and concern in the quiet of that room when it was just her and her patient. She didn't do it for show, it's just a part of what makes her an incredible nurse.

She is amazing at what she does. She treats every one of her patients as if they were a family member. I can recall, that for the 2 years that she lived here in TN, how loving she was with her little old people. They loved her as much as she loved them.
She would make homemade bread or chicken and dumplings for patients. Many times her patient's family member's would come in after their loved one passed away, just to let her know how much it meant that she would go out of her way just to do something kind and do things that went beyond the average nursing duties.

All these years later, she still gets sad when one of her patients is put in Hospice, she cries when they die. The families still become attached to her. She is more than a nurse, she is their personal advocate. She stands for what is right, even when she is standing alone. She knows no fear. She has lost a mother, so her patients can see how much she cares, and their children can look at her and know that she really does know what it feels like.

When my mom left this world,she left me with 2 great sisters... Angela does it all...She is a full time, wife, mom, nurse, den leader etc...Every year she makes special costumes for her son and daughter to wear for plays, and halloween. She sews them special pajamas for Christmas eve so they can wake up in beautiful warm jammies on Christmas morning.

I won't ever move back to Florida, that I am sure of....I am good with that, I really am. I only wish we got to see each other more often...........Happy Birthday Little Sister, you are one of my Hero's

...And No One Believed This Would Last

How wrong they all were. I was too young. I never loved anyone else. I never experienced life.....Oh and the list goes on and on with reasons it wouldn't work out.

For all the cons of getting married as young as we did, there was apparently only one reason on the pro side. Simply Love.

When I was little, just like most little girls, I dreamed of prince charming. The boy that was going to come along and rescue me, love me, marry me and take me on the journey of a lifetime.
It was well thought out. I was going to marry Bobby, my 2o something neighbor. Yes, maybe he was close to 20 yrs my senior but he was and always will be my first crush :) But, a crush is simply all it was. I was sad when he got married. As years went on I cultivated who my prince charming would be. He was going to be blond hair... tall, green eyes, and once he found me we would ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after ...............Big SHOCK...that never happened the way I envisioned it, does it really ever.

For 3 yrs I sat around waiting for one guy to notice me. He was nothing at all what I imagined in my delusions of who my prince would be. As a matter of fact he was the opposite of the boys I conjured up in my mind.

He was so dark, his eyes were a beautiful brown and his hair was black. He wasn't tall, just taller than me. He was everything I never pictured but, I gravitated to him all the time.
I can remember being crushed when he dated different girls. I had my mind set that this was going to be the boy I would be married to one day.

I waited patiently for him. Finally in January of 1988 he finally was ready to give me a chance and see if it could worked. I was 16 and he was 19. So he wasn't what I thought I wanted, he is what God had in mind for me.

Turned out we had nothing in common however, I tried to like the things he liked. Even if I didn't like what he liked, I would go with the flow and just go.

We dated for 10 months and then he proposed to me in the dark of the driveway, in front of my house. Down on one knee, he said what he needed to say and then asked me "Would you make me the happiest guy in the world and spend the rest of your life with me? Will you marry me"?

So this beautiful guy with the black hair and brown eyes loved me enough to ask me to get married...Without a second though I said yes.

Almost 4 years after dating we got married and the journey had begun.
Here it is almost 22 years of being together and today we will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. No big fan fair. Quietly observing what is special to us...

We have had great moments of love, wealth, and wonderful memories of the past year 18 years of marriage. On the flip side we have experienced deep sadness, losing loved ones, and sometimes just being poor. But as of now we have withstood all of the good and bad...and I'm not so sure I would change anything.

Even when you are in your own pit of despair and you don't know what to do to help yourself out, somehow God sends the right person to execute His will for your life.
So I will cherish one more day filled with thoughts that My blond haired Knight in shining armor never arrived...but something better did.

Through the years we have been through many trials and firestorms. Sometimes I wish there were things that we didn't have to over come, but then I remember that had we not been through them, we wouldn't be who we are today.

I am better for having him in my life...

Where I Live

You know I am sitting here thinking, which in all honesty isn't really an activity I should do late at night or alone. It has been a day that has made me reflect on life. I'm not just thinking about my life, I am thinking about the big picture, yet again.

Less than 2 years ago, I lost my mom to Breast Cancer. I didn't think I would ever feel something so bad. I never hurt as much in my entire existence as I did they day she left this Earth...and from that moment on.
It is something we all face, something we all have to deal with right? While I will not diminish my own sadness at the loss of my mom, I will say openly that today something happened that has completely rocked the core of who I am as a wife and mother and invaded the small quiet neighborhood I live in.

A wife lost her husband, a son and daughter lost their dad. There is a human tragedy among us that brought us out of our homes into the streets and across our yards onto the grass of our neighbors who needed to know that this journey is not one to take alone, for we will be there. Oh! I will be the first to say we don't grasp all of the feelings and emotions that they are reeling in however, I will tell you, that when hands need to be held, or hearts need to be healed, or tears need to be fallen and wiped, this community will be there.

No one guarantees that we get our fair share of time with those we love and hold so dearly. Today I feel that statement with sadness. I got 36 years with my mom and I felt cheated. She got to see me graduate, get married, have 4 children. She was there for the milestones in my life. So if I feel cheated after 36 years, how could I think that the children and the wife that my neighbor leaves behind, could ever feel anything but cheated.

The sweet little boy that came to the door today with a heavy heart was not a little boy, he was a man.
An apology that came out about something that happened months ago proved the character this little man has. He simply wanted to let the boys know he was sorry about something he said. As the tears fell from his swollen eyes, he told my daughter to please pass that message onto the boys. He softly told her his dad died today...She came in and cried, what else could she do? She was overwhelmed by his news. As she cried, those words fell from her lips...his daddy died today. I brought him into the house, nothing I could say would ever help....yes, I know what it is like to lose one of the most important people in your life! But, I know what it is like to lose them at 36, not when I am a teenager.

I sent an email out to a deacon in our church to please pray for them and us, so that we would know how to best help them through this journey, how our sons can help their friend. About 10 minutes after I arrived at our neighbors home, my deacon arrived and prayed with the family, and then left. They were strangers and he prayed for them as if he were their neighbor. I am amazed that God really moves men to do things like that. I love where I live, love the things that I get to see, and be a part of something unique.

If your legacy is a reflection of your life, what would your reflection show?

I'm not perfect, proud, or always positive. I think, like everyone else, I will be thought of for the good, bad, and the ugly. I would hope that those left behind saw that I'm the girl that got the American Dream. An amazing husband, 4 kids, a fortunate existence. A little bit city, a little bit country. Loves her music and her country and isn't afraid of her religion or letting others know who her God is. A little shy but not a meek and quiet spirit by any stretch of the imagination! As a matter of fact, maybe a bit mouthy...OK A LOT mouthy.

Possibly as a girl that had a world far more colorful than her vocabulary. Hurt more than helped at times and helped when it was needed not just when it was convenient. Made more good decisions than bad ones.

Laughed when she wanted to cry and Cried when she couldn't laugh. was there to hold a friend's hand or more importantly their hearts. Listened and really heard what was being spoken.
Genuinely missed the people who left her life yet, carried on with the importance of who they were and what they taught her.

A woman that learned from her own mother's life so that she could be open enough to teach her daughter's through her own life. Honored the mother that began her story not so much by being just like her but because she became an individual and not a clone of anyone.

Maybe saw that it wasn't weakness to show emotion, instead it was a strength that allowed you to fall apart in what were days of trials, and exude joy in times of triumph
A woman who learned that everyone sees strength and weakness in a different way, and it's OK.

Sometimes as a woman who fell in line with other's but, could also march to the beat of a different drum...better than that, created her own beat even if no one else heard it.
Became the woman God created her to be.
...and maybe, just maybe, left a mark on this world...leaving it better the day she left than the day she entered it.

As Time Goes By

Sometimes I am often bewildered by myself. How is it that I have left almost 2 months go by since I have put thoughts into words and blogged? I'll tell you...I am busy living, doing, loving, laughing, wishing, waiting, giving, getting, laughing, crying, relaxing, parenting....that one is the toughest gig ever!...watching, learning, teaching, driving, thinking, speaking, praying, begging, reconnecting, disconnecting, and most of all worshipping.

What a busy time this has been! Exciting things are happening. I drove to Florida and got to see my sister Angela, my BIL Ross, and their two kids, then drove to South Florida to see my sister JoAnn, her girls, and Steve. We had a time, not bad, just busy. I finally got the remains of my mom, that had been awaiting me...More importantly, this was the first time my sister's amd I had been together since October 27, 2007. The last time we were together was in the hospital visiting our mom. I flew home that day not knowing that, that would be the last time my mom would ever see her 3 girls in the same room together again...It was how it should be, even if that wasn't how we thought it should be.

We had a girls night out, we took pictures, we even went to have manicures and pedicures done with a gift certificate that was about 4-5 years old. It was for a Mother's Day gift and my mom never used it and the company honored it after we told them where the GC came from. I think my mom would be glad that we had a great time getting our fingers and toes pampered!
We went to the Contour Day Spa inside the Seminole Hard Rock Casino. That was a first for me. It wasn't built when we left Florida 7 years ago.

Oh yeah! that's another thing, we passed the 7 year mark for moving here to TN.

I drove straight through on the way home and man was I tired! A few days later we drove with some of the youth group from Church for a VBS training retreat. We went to the most outrageously beautiful cabin ever! It was like walking into a magazine layout.

When we returned from there we were once again supposed to hit the road. This time to Easly, South Carolina, to help build a church along with our Mission Team. It would have been a couple of hours away from where I was born. I had planned on leaving a day early so that I could see Charleston. Ahhh but alas, other plans were on the horizon. We didn't have to go very far to serve God. We continued working on a church in Lavergne, TN just 15 minutes down the road.
To see a little more go to http://www.buildersonmissions.blogspot.com/

Well that sort of wraps of the last 4 weeks of stuff...I can't recall anything prior to that. :)
Pictures to come soon